Understanding the Stigma Surrounding Self-Harm Scars
When one thinks of the concept of a “modern society”, many ideas come to mind. These ideas include technological advancements, equal rights, and a kinder and more tolerant society. However, this is not reflected in the actual world. While many modern societies are technologically advanced and work towards equal rights for all people regardless of status indicators, the idea of a tolerant society does not seem congruent with modern societies, especially in matters declared “taboo”.
This can range from any number of topics across any social institution, one of them mainly being religion. One such taboo is that of self-harm and the scars it can create on one’s body. While Western societies such as those of the United States have started placing more emphasis on mental health, the rest of the world has not caught up yet, with India being one of them.
What is Self Harm?
The American Psychology Association defines deliberate self-harm as “the intentional, direct destruction of body tissue (most commonly by cutting, burning, scratching, self-hitting, self-biting, and head banging) without conscious suicidal intent but resulting in injury severe enough for tissue damage to occur”. Self-harm is not always visible, as there are other ways to do so, which do not always leave scars. Starving oneself, physically exerting oneself beyond one’s limits, or self-sabotaging are also examples of self-harm. You might be self-harming without even realising it.
“Pain in the body quiets down the pain in the head.”
-Penelope Douglas, Author
Why does Society perceive self-harm as Taboo?
Self-harm is often associated with conscious suicidal intent. However, as the definition listed above clearly says, this is not necessarily true. In society, many taboos are generally called so because they involve an act or are associated with an idea that some religion forbids. For example, in Christianity, it is said that if one kills themselves, they will be doomed to Hell as they have taken a life and have not repented for it.
Due to this, suicide became a massive taboo, and by association with suicide, self-harm also became a taboo. This train of logic results in the presence of self-harm scars as taboo as well, and makes them something that must not be shown to the outside world.
The Psychological Impact of hiding them
Self-harm scars show that you are going through something, and society’s valuation of you depends on whether you can fight through your situation in a stoic manner that does not affect anyone else at all, regardless of how much it harms you. Let’s take an example: if you went through surgery, survived it, and had a sick scar from it, would you hide it, or would you show it off? In the same way, if you went through something in your life and survived, the scar that remains is proof of your strength. So why hide it? Self-harm scars, often called “tiger stripes”, or scars from any form of self-harm at all must be something that we do not feel the need to hide from the world.
Reframing Self-Harm Scars: A Mark of Strength, Not Shame
Contrary to popular belief, such scars are proof of survival and strength, and not of weakness. The taboo around self-harm is unnecessary and damaging. Scars are a part of human life. From something as small as a mark from when you fell on the ground as a child, to something as big as open heart surgery later in your life, when your organs are slowly giving up on you, scars serve as reminders that we, as humans, fall, but more importantly, that we get up after it too.
The taboo behind the presence of self-harm scars (and by extension, self-harm) is an intriguing social phenomenon, as it displays how a prominent mindset can conflict with basic human instincts. It is common for humans to show sympathy to a person, stranger or not if they find out that the person is going through some tough time. Whether this means giving “get well soon” cards to coworkers in the hospital, to celebrating the birthdays of a family member, there are countless examples of the potential of humans to be kind.
However, this behaviour changes when it comes to taboo topics, such as self-harm. If it is right to show sympathy to someone in the hospital who is recovering from an illness, why is it not right to show sympathy to those committing self-harm? If people can show off their scars from surgery, why can’t those who have engaged in self-harm in the past show it to the world as a mark of their resilience without fearing backlash? It is here that a cognitive dissonance of sorts can be observed, and one can only hope that a person’s kindness prevails over their anger at some action declared to be forbidden by society.
How to Support Someone with Self-Harm thoughts
Having talked about the logic (and the subsequent fallacies) behind the labelling of self-harm scars as taboo, it is also important to bring to light what one must and must not do when one finds out someone has a history of self-harm.
1. Do not point it out in public for everyone to see. Doing so causes embarrassment to the other person, and may make them feel like a freakshow in other people’s eyes when this is not true. Instead, ask them personally, away from public scrutiny.
2. When asking someone about self-harm, it is not prudent to be aggressive and allegating. Instead, be empathetic and patient, as opening up about self-harm is not easy, and brings back the memories of all the situations that made you feel like self-harming in the first place.
What Not to Say When Addressing the issue
1. “Stop doing that for me”. Guilting someone does not help in such a situation.
2. “Jeez, that must have hurt”. Of course it hurt, that is the point of self-harm.
3. Making a face or having a negative reaction that can be seen through your body language is not a good idea, as a person must feel comfortable when speaking about self-harm, and doing so will make the other person feel excluded.
4. “I know it’s natural to react. Let’s try and avoid it.”
What to Say Instead: Supporting with Kindness
1. “Thank you for being vulnerable with me. Do you want to talk about what put you through that?”
2. “You’re a really brave person. I’m here for you.”
Fostering Empathy: Changing the Conversation Around Self-Harm
When we support someone who is self-harming instead of shutting them down, we are one step closer to helping them stop. So the next time we see someone who has experiences involving self-harm, remember these pieces of advice and just remember: A little bit of kindness goes a long way.
Written by: Ruhi